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Submitted by: Carolyn Marshall
I used to sing with a professional ensemble, a 21-person a cappella choral group from the Toronto area. We did some touring, which was always very exciting, though it sounds more glamorous than it is in real life. On the last evening of one ten-day tour, we were set to perform in a beautiful domed church with exquisite acoustics. I was exhausted, and I remember wondering, Why did I sign up for this?
Then we began to sing the hymn “Abide With Me,” which is dear to my heart. I am a Christian, and its harmonies and melodies are so divine. The harmonies get richer and richer as you sing it together. Maybe it was the exhaustion, or maybe we were just so on point. But something came together, it was magical.
I found myself unable to sing because I was sobbing. I think I got one line out, but I could not sing the rest of the song. My neighbour took my hand and held it. As a professional you are supposed to swallow it down and keep on going, but I just allowed myself to enjoy the incredible setting and music, let my heart fill. Others were also crying, just enjoying the emotion. That was one of those moments where you allow the music to carry you to a deep, deep place you didn’t even know you wanted to go to. It was raw and authentic and beautiful. And we were so in sync that my part was carried through by the other sopranos.
“Abide With Me” is a hymn. It’s quite mournful, and is typically sung at funerals. But the arrangement we used, by the singer and composer Greg Jasper, takes it to another level. At the climax to the song, we sang:
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies;
Heav’n’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.
At that moment I felt, God, you are with me all the time, at every moment, even in times when I don’t have the words to articulate your presence. You are with me in my life as well, and because you have been I know that you will be with me in my death.
My walk with God is full of moments when I know that I am carried and safe. Even in my weakness, He abides with me.
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Carolyn Marshall (nee Williams) is a psychotherapist and music therapist who works in the Creative Arts Therapy Program at The Hospital for Sick Children (Sickkids), Toronto.
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